i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
