I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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