After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
