I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
