how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
