Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize