I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize