I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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