Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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