I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
