you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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