I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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