i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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