either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
