We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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