i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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