Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
