walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
