Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
