So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize