I can't breathe out the right side of my face
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
