um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
whose ass print is on the piano?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
