sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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