I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
