You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He better not be in your backpack
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
