He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
In other news, I just burned my penis
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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