Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
