My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
