i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
