She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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