So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
