Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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