i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
