I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
