I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
