my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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