My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
