i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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