he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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