apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
