your room smells of hookers.
And success
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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