with your own penis?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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