News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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