Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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