Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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