That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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