I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
