well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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