I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
