Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
