it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
