my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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