oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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