So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize