my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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