what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
