alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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