So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
