it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
