Yo dont text me then not text me
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
