"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
