i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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