i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
