i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Randomize
