Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
