census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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