party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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